Outside Talents
by Jelype2
Summary: Master and Crazy Hand decide to give the Smashers a break from Brawling, so they decide a good time-filler is to help show their "Outside Talents". My first Fic.Back from the nearly-dead!
1. Introduction:Dreams, Buffets, and KP

**Well, as stated before, this is my first fic… Ta da! I don't own Nintendo, or any of the stuff in here. If I did, Ness and Fox would share the role of being God. Sorry for any OOCinnes.**

Another bright, peaceful day was dawning on the smash mansion. The residents of the mansion were sleeping in the early hour, minds filled with dreams of their lives as smashers, or of their homeworlds, or in Kirby's case, food. Of course, this serene scenario had to be disrupted. Things couldn't stay quiet in the Smash mansion for long, could they?

"PEOPLE! Shift your weak little butts over to the main lounge, NOW!" The voice of Crazy Hand filled the air as he spoke over the intercom. Or screamed, rather. He wasn't usually allowed to use said intercom. Something fishy was going on.

Following their instructions, the Smashers made their way into the lounge. Some, like Fox and Ness, appeared swiftly, ready for anything the all-powerful Hands would throw at them. Others, like Donkey Kong and Bowser lethargically made their way in, but hurried after being zapped by Crazy Hand's purple-finger-zapper-thing out of pure impatience.

Master Hand floated forward to meet the Smashers when they'd all gathered. "Good morning, Smashers. I hope you rested well. I'm sorry for you rather _rude_ awakening." He said cheerfully, casting a dirty look at Crazy Hand. Or as close to a dirty look as he could get, not having eyes. Crazy paid no attention. "We have prepared a breakfast buffet for you this morning. We're not professional cooks, but I hope you'll find it to your liking."

Sonic tried hard not to make a sickened face. Whatever the Hands cooked, it couldn't be good.

Snake had suspicious feelings towards the Hands. He decided to voice them. "Okay, stop the butt-kissing. What do you what from us, and on a scale from one to ten, how much pain will it cause?"

Normally, Snake would be dead for insulting the Hands in such a way. But Master Hand seemed in an abnormally good mood this morning. "I'm glad you asked! Crazy, your fans and I all believe that the schedule of Brawls you are forced to fight has become rather harsh…"

"You wrote the schedule anyway, dummy." Red muttered out of Master hand's earshot.

"So we decided to make the schedule lighter, and to make up for all the time you won't spend in the arena, Crazy and I have decided to hold the mansions first-ever talent show!"

A Talent Show, thought Peach. Goody! Maybe we can all do a fashion show… or sing!

A Talent Show? Boring! I'd rather Brawl, thought Samus

A Talent Show, thought Lucas. Uh-Oh. Lucas hated performing in front of a crowd.

Mario's mind was consumed by the thought of the awaiting buffet. Maybe I'll cook for this show, he thought.

Bowser thought, forget the talent show. It's pointless. He occupied his moment with a ripe blast of air and smell from his hindquarters, causing Diddy Kong, who was behind him, to faint.

Only Sonic was brave enough to voice his opinion. "WHAT? Who'd want to do THAT?!" Sonic received a rude look from Peach. "What happens if we don't want to do it?"

"You're arrested," Crazy cackled

"He's kidding! But I thought some of you might want to pass. And not pass gas, Bowser." Master Hand replied. "So we're making the show MANDATORY. Anyone who doesn't do it… well, they get to enjoy two months of KP down at the spaceport. Unpaid. Do I make myself clear?" Master Hand began to show his regular evilness.

Every Smasher immediately nodded. KP was the last thing they wanted.

"I forgot to mention…" Master hand added, regaining his faux, forgiving mood. "We've decided that the person, or group, with the best act, will be sent to relax at Isle Delfino for three weeks, for free!" _That_ sparked everyone's interest.

Master Hand saw he had them convinced. "The show's gonna be in here, in a week and a half, on the 27th of August. Well, just remember: Groups are allowed, and you're not allowed to perform acts involving fighting; we're trying to develop and show your talents _outside the Brawling_ world. And my dear friends from Melee?" He turned to face Mewtwo, Young Link(who was the replacement for Toon Link at this point), Roy, Pichu and , who'd been invited to stay at the mansion recently, "The same rules apply to you. Any questions?"

The room filled with chatter, but Master hand ignored it all. "Well, then, dismissed!"

The Smashers ran forward to the buffet, and Master Hand was filled with pleasing thoughts of madness and mayhem. He knew this was going to interesting.


	2. Fire, Eyebrows, and Spelling lessons

**Hello people! Thanks for all hits and reviews. They make me feel special, and I like feeling special. Disclaimers and apologies from last chapter continue onto this one. This chapter might seem a little odd or unclear, but I need it as an intro for the other ones. Kinda stupid, but I don't really care right now. It might be easier to understand some of the story, particularly during the parts with the dome, if you've played **_**The legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.**_

Roy hastily grabbed a plate of food. Or what was supposed to be food. It looked a little like a mixture between a waffle and Yoshi after being burned by a fire flower. Smiling, he raced back to his table to join his best friends Marth, Link and Ike.

"I have an idea!" He proudly exclaimed, loudly.

Ike motioned for him to keep quiet. As if everybody didn't know what Roy's suggestion was. Or maybe they didn't. Marth looked like he was going to kill Roy, but Link looked confused. He didn't know Roy like Ike and Marth did. "Let me guess,"

"Pyrotechnics!" Roy said like an exited little kid going to the zoo. Link's confused look remained. Ike and Marth just shook their heads.

"P-what?" Link asked.

"A big fancy word for making stuff that blows up and/or makes fire." Marth muttered.

"Roy, man, I know you like to see stuff burst into flame, but how does that qualify as a talent?" Ike asked

"It shows that us _real_ men know how to control man's greatest discovery. Plus, it looks really cool if we do it right. That's why people watch fireworks displays, right? Big flashy lights could translate into three weeks shootin' the breeze with the lovely residents of that island." Perhaps Roy didn't realize that all the people there were rather large, colorful, and spoke less English than a rock. Or a Pikmin. But at least the swordsman had a point. It _would _look cool. He'd score some points with the other smashers, too.

"Besides, anything we do is better than KP." Ike realized as he spoke. What the heck, why not? He, Ike, Master of both sword and flame?_ That_ would create an image. "I'm in. But let's have fun with this, okay?"

Link shrugged. "Fine with me. Better than my idea. It involved kidnapping Snake and putting him in a dress."

There was a silence over Link's stupidity. Then Marth said "Count me in. But we have to have more control this time. Remember during the Melee tournament, when we set that last set loose? It took three weeks for Jigglypuff's eyebrows to grow back, and Game & Watch has _never_ forgiven us."

Link looked shocked. "_You_ guys did that?"

Roy looked proud, if anything. "Yep. I was really just trying to cook that turkey Peach made for Christmas, but… instead I burned half of the building. Jigglypuff and Game & Watch were in the way. Besides, the whole thing looked cool too."

Ike just shook his head again. "Part of me is glad I wasn't there. "

Roy got up happily to dispose of his plate while Marth muttered, In Japanese, "You should be."

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Two days later, the four swordsmen finally met in the garage, scavenging for parts. It was the 19th of August, and Master Hand had planned for the show to be on the 27th. That left plenty of time.

Roy hoped it was plenty of time. He had _big_ plans for this little display of the joyful hot stuff. He knew he could count on his partners, but he was the visionary. He was in command. He loved it.

They borrowed a couple of spare car batteries, some engines, some other random car parts and _lots_ of fire flowers from the garage and supply shed. He just needed anything that blew up, and that could eventually include small-power bombs. He chose fire flowers because he knew they were reliable, and he didn't want to fight anybody for the regular lighters, when so many of these were available.

So after all of the materials had been gathered, Ike asked, "So, what do we do with this stuff?"

Roy bore an evil grin. "Attach as many of the batteries to all _this_ stuff here, and we need to prep _these _wires. Link, no using magic on any of the engines. It's purely mechanical." Link sighed. Not like he knew how anyway. Roy could be so ignorant.

"Dare I ask, and I should know… but what are we prepping those wires for?" Marth asked slowly

Roy looked at him. "Why, to spontaneously combust, of course."

"How silly of me…"Marth muttered while he helped connect random things "This is begging to look a lot like the turkey incident. Randomly connecting stuff and then lighting then on fire, hoping it works? We could get killed doing this."

"That's why this time I have a genius protection plan." Roy announced, holding up a blueprint. On it was a dome, kind of like an assist trophy cover. Only it was about 100 times the size of it. "We build this little thing here, rig the stuff to blow up _only_ when it's inside of here, and fire will just bounce off the walls. We might even be able to make designs out of the explosions. Like spell out our names or something."

"Okay, how are we gonna do all of that without making _ourselves_ explode?" Link asked.

"Easy. Magic. Which is why you're gonna do it." Roy replied.

"Me? Me alone?"

"No, I'll help you. I _am_ the visionary."

"You're nuts, Roy. Seriously, this is turning out to be a little more than I imagined." Marth sighed

"Oh, come on! How many more chances will we have to do this?" Roy asked, annoyed

"…Touché." Marth muttered.

"Well, you guys go build that. Marth and I will finish connecting all this stuff…" Ike said.

"Wait. One of you guys go to the library and find a book on fireworks displays. Then bring it straight to me." Roy instructed. Before Ike could ask why, Link and Roy were making their way to another part of the garage.

"I've got more than part of me thinking that this is a bad idea." Ike admitted.

"That's Roy for you." Marth said, almost cheerfully. Ike bounded off to the library.

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Link was confused.

Roy already had the main dome built; for how long, Link didn't want to know. Roy asked Link "Okay, now do you know how to protect the dome?"

"Look, I'm not a master of magic. I slice stuff with my sword, and then someone else, usually Zelda, uses the magic."

"Why didn't you say something earlier!"

"Because you wouldn't shut up!"

"… The last time I checked, you were Hylian. Don't you guys have, like, special magic in your blood or something?"

"I can attempt something, but I'm not promising perfect results." Link said

Ike called across the room, in search for Roy. Using the chance to get away from Roy, Link scaled the dome using his hookshot. Sitting on top of it, Link wondered what he could do. He'd lied about being able to try. And now how demanding Roy could be, Link was scared.

"_Hey_! Listen!" Came a voice from above him. Link whipped around, and floating there was Navi, his fairy friend.

"Navi? How'd you get in here?" Link asked, almost relieved to see his friend, no matter how much Navi nagged him.

"I snuck in a while ago, but had a heck of a time finding you. Thought you could use some help…"

"You bet. I've got a fire-obsessed friend, Roy, who wants me to use magic on this dome so the exploding things we put inside it won't come out. But I don't know how! He's gonna kill me, and he's got enough fire to make the remainder of my life miserable!"

"… I liked fighting Ganon better." Navi said

"Any idea how to help?" Link begged. "If this thing doesn't work, everyone in the mansion may die a horrible, fiery death."

"Link, I think you forgot. I'm a navigator and a travel agent. I don't do magic."

"_Navi_! Oh well, I guess we're gonna die now."

"Wow, you're optimistic today."

"LINK!" Roy called "WE'RE READY TO MAKE STUFF GO BOOM! COME DOWN!"

Link slid down, a worried look on is face. "Now?"

"Yeah, now! We gotta do a test run, right?" Ike said, smiling. Link felt really sick now. "Marth and I found a way, just like Roy said, to spell out our names with the… well, you know."

"Okay, I'm gonna load the stuff in, then we'll watch it. I'm the fastest, so I can get away if something… goes wrong." Marth said. He seemed rather pleased with the whole thing too.

Link, Roy and Ike backed away, Marth filled the dome with explosives, used a couple of fire flowers to light the fuses and ran away. Link cringed, waiting for them to be turned into little fried humans, but he heard the first few explosions, and he was fine. He stared at the dome in awe. Roy was right all along; it really _did_ look cool, and the dome protected them. Link watched the fire arrange so it formed the word **ROY**, then **IKE**, followed by **MARTH **and finally …**LINCK.**

"Okay, who was in charge of the spelling?" Link asked, clearly annoyed. Marth raised his hand. "You idiot. Learn how to spell! L-I-N-K. Duh!"

"It's alright; We'll fix it for the final show. " Marth said, completely unconcerned.

"Guys, look the grand finale!" Roy cheered. It was truly remarkable. Fire exploded, making all different designs. A sword. A koopa. A baseball bat. Something that was reminiscent of an Arwing. It was a grand sight. Until they heard the crack.

A loud piercing _CRACK_ filled the air, and suddenly the fire stopped it's elaborate patterns and flowed out the top of the dome. It had been demolished. Roy said a very, very, _very_ naughty word to Link. Then proceeded to yelling at him loudly.

"You ******!I thought you fixed it! I thought you said you'd made it so it wouldn't ****** explode!"

"Uh, Roy," Ike said, "I suggest we run." They took his suggestion. Sprinting through the garage, yelling like the idiots they were, the four swordsman ran from the tunnel of fire that was chasing them. On the way, They passed Olimar and one of his Pikmin, holding a keyboard. With them was Young Link with a bunch of power tools and Falco holding… a dress? But that didn't matter at the moment.

"RUN! RUN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH BY FIRE!" Link screamed. The odd group knew when Link was telling the truth, and this was one of them. The group, containing eight now, ran until they reached a fork in hallways.

"One of these leads away from the garage, and one leads to the west wing of it." Falco breathed. The west wing was were the dome was. If they went in the wrong tunnel, they could be killed.

"Link!" A voice called. Navi appeared out of nowhere. Young Link and Link looked thrilled, but the others were afraid of her presence. "Take the left tunnel! The left one! I can round up some people to help put the fire out, and the way out it the left!" Link and His younger incarnation immediately went left, their companions following uncertainly after them. They reached a door. They threw it open, and looked into the lounge of the mansion. Safe! Link had no clue where Navi had come from, but he was _very_ glad.

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True to her word, Navi gathered some people to put the fire out. The next day, the four swordsmen were sitting yet again at their table in the kitchen.

"Well, I guess we need to re-build our dome" Roy said bitterly, dipping his spoon into his cereal

"Uh… Roy? If Link can't do anything for it, how are we going to fix our dome?" Ike asked.

Roy shrugged. "Use stronger material. Maybe ROB can suggest something…"

While the heroes pondered their problem, Navi was making her way back home to Kokiri forest. She arrived, resting from her journey. She always knew that Link would get himself in trouble. She only decided to help him when things got boring around Kokiri. He would have to deal by himself for a while. She drifted off to sleep, thinking of the display she'd seen happen inside that dome. Maybe she'd go to the show. Provided Master Hand had a fire extinguisher.

**Well, I can never end these things right. Oh well, too bad. I feel like this is my dedication to Navi, who I personally thought was the coolest character in **_**Ocarina of time**_**. Again, sorry about any cases of OOC. I'm not a genius when it comes to all the characters. Next chapter coming very soon. Maybe even today.**


	3. Languages, songs, and rings

_**Some special stuff for this chapter that you guys need to know. First, I still don't own any of the stuff in this story, except the plot itself. Regular smash stuff belongs to Nintendo, as usual. The book mentioned early on, Ender's Game, is owned by Mr. Orson Scott Card(Incredible book, by the way, no matter what Olimar thinks). The song "She's always a woman" belongs to Billy Joel. There's an OC in here named Ralph. Ralph is mine. No stealing.**_

_**I have never played any of the Pikmin games, so if I get any information wrong, my bad. I have my many faults, and that's one of them.**_

Olimar was laying sprawled on his bed, an old, falling apart book in his hands. It was called_ Ender's Game,_ some book from planet earth. Very odd book, too. These people thought spaceships were complex and all they did was fight off a single alien species. Boring. Still, Earthlings interested Olimar. Earth was the basis of a lot of what he did, and it was one world he'd always wanted to visit. Back home, his comrades thought he was crazy, but that was their opinion. They had their interests and talents, and Olimar had his.

Something crawled in through the back of his mind; the talent show. Olimar wasn't entirely thrilled about the show. What could he do that would be seen as popular and interesting? Well, look at the basics of your life, Master Hand had advised them. What did Olimar do during his days? Helped his Pikmin--radishes, his smash mates mockingly called them-- do whatever they needed to do. Train. Eat. Repeat.

Olimar let out a solemn sigh. He'd come up with _something_…

His door opened. In plodded his little white Pikmin, Ralph, as Olimar newly named him. A fascinating Earthling name. Ralph had an ambitious look in his eyes. Olimar asked him what he was up to.

"Well, you know the talent show? I wanted to do something for it." Ralph said quietly. Olimar paid full attention to his little friend now. "I want to sing a song. A love song"

"Please, little buddy, don't make me become involved in the romance stories. But if you must… who's it for?"

"Samus." Oh, wonderful. The woman warrior would never pay attention to Ralph. And there was one other little problem…

"Uh, I'm assuming she understands how to speak Pikmin, then?"

That was what was upsetting Ralph. "Olimar, I _really_ want to sing a song. A good song. But if she can't understand me…" The Pikmin was on the verge of tears. Olimar lifted Ralph onto his bed. "Can…can you teach me to speak your language? _please_?" Olimar held his tongue. This could become much harder than it was supposed to be.

"Uh.. I can't teach you the whole language before the show. But what I _can _do is teach you the words to a song. Of your choice."

"_Thank you! THANK YOU!"_ The Pikmin was overjoyed. "I have a song in mind. I translated the words that I found into my language, so I understand the song. I think it's perfect."

"And the song…?"

"She's always a woman. It's by Billy Joel. You know, the Earthling guy." Earthling. _Much_ better. "And there's a piano part. You know how to play that, right? There's your act taken care of!" Ralph had a point.

"…Alright, I'll do it. Don't see the harm in it…" Ralph began hugging Olimar, then he ran off to grab the lyrics.

Piano, thought Olimar. I haven't touched one of _those_ in years. But Ralph snagged him. He now an act, and Ralph would be able to sing.

In no time, the delicate little creature carried in a sheet of paper containing the words to the song, in English. _Why_ did Ralph have to pick such a long song? But it didn't matter. Olimar drew a breath and started one of many long language sessions he had with his friend.

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The two established a routine. In the morning, Olimar would get up extra-early, grab a ridiculously early breakfast, and set off to do his training for the day. After a few hours, it would be around 7 AM , and Olimar would grab Ralph and the two would venture into one of the many empty rooms in the mansion, where Olimar would teach Ralph the words in English. Ralph, Olimar decided, was a near-perfect student. He had ambition, and a plausible goal; or at least it seemed plausible to him. Ralph would never give up, and when he got frustrated with his voice or with a pronunciation, he would usually turn it into a joke, and get back to work. When Ralph was tired, Olimar went to have lunch. The Mess Hall was rather empty, even around the popular hours, these days; Olimar assumed everyone was in preparation also. After that ,provided he didn't have a brawl scheduled, he'd go into the same empty room, bearing a portable keyboard, practicing the music Ralph's song. It was his part of the act. The part that would keep him out of KP.

Olimar realized that he was _not_ going to win the award Master hand spoke of; but Olimar was okay with that. If Ralph, and Samus on that note, were pleased, then Olimar was pleased.

Finally, on the 22nd of August, Ralph had the lyrics down. He had musicality as well, and Olimar's piano part was now a part of his subconscious.

"Well, Ralph, I must say, I'm amazed. We're finished. And we still have a couple of days. To do absolutely nothing." Olimar smiled.

Ralph, however, had other things in mind. "Uh…Olimar?"

"Mmm?"

"I… was wondering if I--we--could perform the song… earlier? Like, tomorrow night? Especially for Samus?" Ralph asked. "I'm going to drive us both crazy with anticipation for a couple of days if I have to keep it secret. Especially since they're going to be so empty…" Olimar recognized that Ralph had yet another genius point. Well, how bad could it be, really? Plus, Olimar might score some points with his friends and the other smashers if he showed that he was done early…

Wait, he thought, stopping himself. You need to keep Ralph's goals as your first priority. Is he ready?

Of course he is.

"I would be glad to."

No yelling or hugging this time. Just a little _phew_ and a "Thank you". Those made Olimar the happiest.

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The next day, the 23rd, Olimar met up with Samus and instructed her to be in the lounge at 6 PM. She asked the occasion, but Olimar just said "A special performance. A surprise" She'd be surprised, all right. She agreed, but warned Olimar that she _would_ be armed, as usual, so no stupid-funny-business. Olimar then sneaked off to where Ralph was waiting. Olimar pretended to look let down, and he tried not to meet his friend's red eyes. Ralph still asked how it went, and Olimar jumped up and yelled "SHE SAID YES, BUDDY!"

Ralph began screaming too. He began to break out into song, and not Billy Joel. It was an ancient song from Pikmin culture, sang in the original language. Olimar joined in, where he could. Apparently, Lucario walked past the area while they were chanting. He stared at them, but Ralph and Olimar took no notice. At least, not until Olimar heard Lucario mutter "Must be a _really_ big full moon tonight." Olimar had, for some odd reason, never been prouder in his life.

That night, Olimar collected his keyboard, and then found his star singer. Or a frozen up, nervous-wreck version of his friend. Despite Olimar's assurances, Ralph was going nuts.

"I mean, she's from an alien world, never talks to anyone, and has a freaking suit of armor on the entire time! What was I _thinking_?" He asked in despair. Olimar laughed.

"She's going to like it perfectly fine. And besides that, You learned some new English! That's an accomplishment, right?" Ralph stopped shaking so much. Olimar had a way with words when he tried. "Which do you like better, Samus with or without full battle armor?"

They argued about that for a few minutes, and they eventually reached the lounge. Ralph went to get some water, and Olimar went momentarily into the lounge. He wished he hadn't.

Samus was there, alright, in the front center of the room. Unfortunately, Olimar forgot to mention when requesting her presence that Ralph wanted as few people there as possible. Samus had invited everyone , of course, except the Hands themselves. Cursing silently in every language he knew, He waited by the door for Ralph to come back.

The Pikmin came bounding back, ready to go. How is he going to react to all those people? Olimar wondered.

"Uh…hey buddy… ready to go?" Olimar said, shakily

"Sure. Now or never. Let's roll." Ralph said.

"Actually Ralph, there's something you need to know…" Too late. Ralph hopped up, reached the door knob, and saw the room bursting full of people. He exploded

"Olimar…Oli…O…"He stammered, in English. He then turned around and started screaming at Olimar, terror in his voice, in Pikmin's language. Olimar just stood there like a dummy, taking in the laughter that was erupting from his audience.

All of them… but Samus. She looked confused. The good thing was that the usual hunter/killer look in her eyes was non-existent.

"Ralph… look, Samus isn't laughing. She _really_ wants to hear you sing. I'm _really_ sorry I forgot to mention the 'no visitors' rule, but it'll be okay!" Olimar said all of this in Pikmin language. Ralph stopped, and the laughter died down.

"Did you need something, Olimar?" Samus asked.

"Uh, not really." Olimar cleared his throat, than addressed the crowd, but still kept his eyes on Samus, as if speaking only to her. "My buddy Ralph here decided that he wanted to sing for the talent show coming up, and he wishes to perform it tonight, with me as keyboard accompaniment, especially for Samus. But you guys can stay.

"What was with the yelling?" Wolf asked, a smirk on his face.

Ralph jabbered in Pikmin language which Olimar translated, horror: "Sure, you can laugh at me, but at least I can sing without killing everybody around me,"

"Don't make me laugh. Again." Wolf challenged.

Brimming with new-found confidence, Ralph, staring at Samus the whole time, Asked Olimar to start.

What happened next was close to a miracle. Ralph's normally awkward voice filled the room, with the pureness of childhood, the determination of learning some of the new language, and his love for Samus. There was no longer any mocking.

_She can kill with a smile,__She can wound with her eyes _

_She can ruin your faith with her casual lies_

_And she only reveals what she wants you to see. She hides like a child, But she's always a woman to me_

The group began rocking back and forth to his beat. Samus was spellbound.

_She can lead you to love, She can take you or leave you_

_She can ask for the truth,But she'll never believe you_

_ And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free, She steals like a thief, But she's always a woman to me_

_Oh, she takes care of herself, She can wait if she wants, She's ahead of her time,_

_ Oh, and she never gives out, And she never gives in,She just changes her mind_

_She will promise you more Than the Garden of Eden,Then she'll carelessly cut you And laugh while you're bleedin'_

_But she'll bring out the best And the worst you can be, Blame it all on yourself, 'Cause she's always a woman to me_

_Oh, she takes care of herself, She can wait if she wants, She's ahead of her time,_

_ Oh, and she never gives out And she never gives in, She just changes her mind_

_She is frequently kind And she's suddenly cruel, _

_She can do as she pleases, She's nobody's fool,_

_But she can't be convicted,She's earned her degree _

_And the most she will do Is throw shadows at you, But she's always a woman to me _

Ralph finished, panting. Samus, if he didn't know any better, was crying. "Was it that bad?" He asked. Samus laughed, then spoke. Olimar acted as translator through the conversation.

"No! That was… Beautiful! How did you learn to speak English like that?"

"I had some help." Olimar beamed as he translated. "Can't speak much else English, though"

"So I see. I…thank you, so much…Ralph, your name is? I've never heard such a wonderful singing performance. And I didn't know that someone cared that much for me."

"I care for you! People always look over us Pikmin, but we have feelings too, you know."

"You got that right. And…I'd like to get to know you a little better, Ralph."

No way. Did she just ask him out on a date? Olimar was astounded, and had no idea how much his buddy…l-o-v-e-d this woman

Most of the smashers were applauding by this point. Ralph, tired beyond belief, dismissed himself to bed. Olimar thanked everybody and caught up with his singer.

"I owe you one, big time. That was the best thing I've ever done." The Pikmin confessed.

"You know what? Take that as payment for all the times I have to throw you at people during a brawl."

"Got it.G'night."

"Night, Ralph. Sweet dreams. And please, tell the other Pikmin that I am not going to teach all of you to sing, alright?"

A small laugh from both of them, then doors shut, and one of the two minds retired.

Ralph couldn't sleep. His mind whirred from the night's activity. He decided to get up and go outside. The lower balcony was always a good place to go and think.

Who should he meet there, of course, but Samus. She was startled by Ralph's entrance, but seemed happy. She motioned for him to come over to her. She reached into her suit and pulled out a small box, the size of a golf ball.

She held the box. It was wrapped. A present, perhaps? He opened it, and inside lay an incredible ring, studded with diamonds and engraved with some sort of writing, big enough for him to wear like a crown. She had with her a translator pad, so they could understand each other. She wrote "It's a ring from my Homeworld. I can't wear it; it's too large. I wondered if you…"

"What does it say?" Ralph wrote

"It's an ancient language. I don't know the planet the language came from, but it eventually got around to K-2L. It says, when taken literally, 'savoir of my heart'. I was reminded by you tonight that I'm not just a mindless killer, that I actually have someone who cares for me. And someone to care for. You were my savoir tonight, Ralph"

Ralph smiled. "Thank you. I love it…. I thought the man bought the jewelry for the woman…"

They both laughed, and spent the rest of the night looking up at the stars.

**Aww. And there you go. No more love stories from me, I just wanted to try one. More stupid adventures coming up! Next time: Sonic, , Mr. Game & Watch, Captain Falcon and ROB decide they want to go**_** really**_** fast. Involves more stuff blowing up. I like to blow things up.**


	4. Bikes, special numbers, and trashcans

**Hello, people, once again. From this chapter onward, it's just going to be comedy; that looks like that's what flies over the best. Do me a favor, all reading this, I have a poll on my profile asking about something I might write next; answer and help ME help YOU. Thank you ALL for reviewing, If I had cookies, I'd give you some. For all purposes of this fic, Mr. Game & Watch can speak an FYI, the three things I put in the chapter names are little things in the story that you have to make sure you found, or you haven't read close enough. Random, but I'm weird like that. So Ha. Okay, onward, then!**

Captain Falcon wiped his forehead with his sleeve. He had just finished his lovely Blue Falcon's weekly check-up. He was now sitting comfortably inside, thinking. That stupid talent show that Master Hand planned was ruining his life. It's not like he had questions abut his talent: racing. Obviously. But how to show it? The racer stepped out an looked around the garage. Half of it was under repairs after an "Accidental explosion." He'd seen the burns of some of the Smashers. It may have been an accident, but someday, Captain Falcon was going to _kill_ Roy. How dare he set the best part of the mansion ablaze! At least the Blue Falcon had been away from said fire.

Pondering how he could torture the swordsman, Falcon headed through a door, which lead to the supply room. The musty, ancient-seeming supply room, which defiantly needed some updating. There he saw his buddy ROB talking with… ugh. . Falcon had never been a fan of the Doctor. True, he'd been cured by him many times, but he seemed so… gentle. Falcon liked speed, challenge, something he could fight or race. was soft. ROB beckoned for the racer to join them.

"Heya, Captain Falcon-a" acknowledged Falcon cheerily. He nodded to the Italian. Falcon turned to ROB.

"So, what're you gonna do for the show?" Captain Falcon asked, hoping for help.

"I'm not sure. I'm ready to make an impression, though. I'm ready to sound important. People kinda look me over sometimes." ROB sighed. Falcon felt sorry for his friend, for he spoke the truth. ROB was accepted, of course, but he was never really noticed. Poor guy. "You should know what to do…you are Captain Falcon…"

"What do you do-a?" asked

How did he _not_ know? "I race. A lot. I thought I could do something involving a car… ought to be popular enough… but it's so…_predictable_."

ROB looked oddly at the man. "Since when do you care?"

Falcon sighed. "I'm known for two things. Car racing, and screaming things when I fight."

ROB was whirring, something Falcon interpreted as laughing or smiling. "You have no idea how much I want to say it…"

Too late. "FALCON PUUUUNCH!" A voice came. Falcon turned around to see Sonic the hedgehog standing behind him. Falcon _hated_ people taunting him about that. He turned around on his heel and aimed a punch at Sonic's nose. He narrowly missed. "Hey! Sorry! Gosh, I didn't mean to scare you or anything!"

"It's just natural now."

"What, to punch me?"

"No, to get angry when someone does that."

"Ah. Well, I'm sure whatever you intend to do for the show will NEVER be as good as what I'm doing!" The arrogant hedgehog declared.

"Really? And what is that-a?" asked.

"Umm… actually… I got nothing. I came to group with you guys." Sonic said, deflating

"I see. Well, we have no idea either." ROB admitted.

"I have confidence that whatever we do will be better than the idiots who set the West wing on fire do." Falcon said

"You've got a point." nodded in the direction of another figure in the distance. "Who's a-that over there?"

Mr. Game & Watch beeped over to where the quartet was. He blurted a friendly greeting. "Hi people!"

"Hey, buddy. " ROB replied.

"Hey, Falcon, can you help me with an engine problem? I was trying to install it on a body I found if I can downsize it a bit…" Game & Watch said, almost seeming embarrassed

Falcon narrowed his eyebrows. Game & Watch had never touched a gas pedal before, much less installed an engine. Little goof probably didn't know where the shift stick was, if he hadn't ripped it out yet. "Since when are you a mechanic?"

"Since yesterday." Game & Watch answered. "Yesterday the track record was beat by someone, I'm ready to show them up, show myself as a super-awesome racecar guy during the talent thing. I have the blueprints, and I have the parts I just don't have the car knowledge to put it all together. Flat hands, you know."

The Captain found himself getting angry. He pushed Game & Watch up against the wall gently with his knee. "First, _I'm_ the hot shot driver 'round here. Second, the track record has been held by me for the last 2 years. Me and the Blue falcon. Nothing's faster, on land and engine powered anyway, there's nothing that can beat us. I mean, Me." Falcon had always had this thing where he pretended the Blue Falcon was a living, breathing individual when he'd asked someone when he was a kid why many vehicles were referred to as "she". It had gone downhill from there.

"If you don't believe me…" Game & Watch began. Captain Falcon stormed out of the room, followed closely by ROB, , Sonic and Game & Watch. He went into the back courtyard, or what had been a courtyard anyway, and stepped through an electronic gate leading to his domain. The track, a circular monster with a 100 yard radius. And above it, the record board. Normally in the top slot would be Falcon, but instead lay…

50 Mile Time Trail Race: Roy, Link, Marth and Ike in Unregistered vehicle 

Falcon looked up in despair. How in the name of everything good in the galaxy had those four idiots beat him? And what did "Unregistered vehicle" mean? Without a word, fearing that it would be very dirty if he did speak a word, he went straight to Roy's dorm room, knocked violently on the door, and met a smiling Ike, who was no longer smiling after he saw Falcon's clearly ticked off face. In the room were the members of the infamous swords quartet themselves; Roy, Ike Marth, and Link. If anybody, Falcon had some sympathy for Link. True, the stories Falcon heard about the fire detailed that it was Link's fault, but Roy was still the troublemaker in the Captain's eyes.

"Uh, Roy… I think you have a visitor." Ike said carefully. Roy rose from where he was sitting and came to the door.

"Hey! Wha'cha need, Falcon ol' buddy!" Roy said nervously. He knew he was in trouble.

Falcon raised an eyebrow. "Seen the track record update?"

Roy lost his scared look and instead wore a sly little grin. "Yeah. Sorry. Guess you got beat by the pros this time."

took Roy by the shoulders and shook him. "What did you beat it with, why and _how?"_

Roy laughed. "Turns out the flames that exploded from our little experiment reached the outer courtyard. It's only like 100 yards from the west wing to the track. The flames, going at the speed they erupted at pushed something-- Popo's bike, of all things-- all 10 miles. In record time. And the credit goes to us. And _stays_ with us."

Falcon was fuming. Not only did they benefit from destroying half the garage, but it disgraced him, and humiliated him. The great Captain Falcon.

Or maybe not so great. "Come on, Falcon, a little rivalry is good sometimes! Besides, if you wouldn't be so prideful and self-centered…"

That's where Falcon quit. "Listen here, potty mouth. No offence to all of you, but you got a lot of that wrong. You wanna race, and a good one, fine. You're dead. No spontaneous eruptions here."

"All you gotta do is beat our record. Then you're back to your title." Roy said.

Falcon turned to Game & Watch "I say it's time to check those blueprints of yours, my friend. And you know what, we'll regain my record. At the talent show. In front of everybody. Simple."

"I'm willing to help" Game & Watch confirmed

"Count me in" ROB included

"Let's-a kick these guys butts!" Doctor Mario cheered

"You guys'll be too slow for us!" Sonic taunted. Then with an air of heroes, the odd group walked to the garage.

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Captain Falcon was lying in bed two nights later, looking over the final blueprints for the super-sonic racecar they would set out to build the next day. Granted, Falcon would do the building anyway, since he'd done minimal with the design itself. The others gladly did that.

Why should he wait until morning? Falcon got out of bed and took a flight of stairs down to the garage. He found the pile of mechanics the group had gathered. He was about ready to start sorting them when he heard a familiar whirr from behind him. ROB started to look over the pieces himself. Then he said "Well, I don't see why we can't organize tonight, so we have less to do in the morning." Falcon was relieved by his friend's words. The two began to group the pieces by order of assembly. They'd found a durable frame that they could update for the final car. Eventually, the robot and the superstar racer finished organizing, and on their own minds, without acknowledging it, they began to assemble. It was in almost complete silence; both knew exactly what to do, and they were good enough around the mechanics to do the work without asking each other's assistance. Finally, at 2 AM, ROB looked at the clock on the wall.

"We're crazy!" He exclaimed. "I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow. And don't be up all night building this thing." Falcon bid him goodnight, and ROB knew his warning would be ignored. Falcon spent every hour of that night in the garage, testing, painting, and connecting.

10 hours later, Falcon was asleep in the new cars front seat, pleased with himself. He'd done it. He'd built the ultimate car. And it was _beautiful_. , ROB, Sonic and Mr. Game & Watch assembled in the garage at 12:30; they had to accommodate some Brawl schedules. They awoke , staring at their masterpiece in awe.

"Hey, guys" Falcon greeted sleepily. "Like it?"

"It…_how_?" asked

"Me and ROB decided to have a cram session last night and this morning. Gentlemen, I present to you, Racecar Maximus 3.6" Falcon answered

There was a momentary silence, then Sonic asked "What's with the 3.6?"

"I don't know. It sounds cool." Captain Falcon smiled. "Gives you a feeling of accomplishment. All right, lets see what this bucket of bolts can do. I'm driver, who wants shotgun?"

Game & Watch claimed it, and he had the main idea anyway. They pulled the car onto the track, it's red coat catching the gleam of the sun.

"Hey, can I footrace this thing on the side? Just to see if you _really_ got it right." Sonic asked

"You're so arrogant! Go ahead, but you have no chance. The Falcon knows what he's doing." ROB responded, hoping that he was true to his word.

He was.

Given the green light, Falcon stepped on the gas, and down the track it zipped. Sonic was so impressed he didn't even run, just stared, awestruck. The car handled amazingly well, and Game & Watch, who was nowhere near accustomed to the high speeds, began to get sick. First two laps in, and the time of Racecar Maximus 3.6 was outdoing the accidental new record by over 15 seconds.

Falcon was having the time of his life. He was out on the track, his favorite place in the world, he had no chance of being shot from outside forces. Any mistakes out here were his own, as were any victories. Most of all, he could picture the look on Roy's face when he found of his fire-powered-bike record was shattered.

The sound barrier had long been broken; Falcon outraced Roy's time by a minute. It was a shame at how badly this thing could beat the Blue Falcon, the Captain thought, but man, this is awesome! Final lap. Falcon pushed the machine to it's limit, and he was across the line before Roy's accident would be halfway done. Falcon jumped immediately out of the car, looked into his friends wide, impressed, incredibly happy and proud eyes. All of his teammates except Game & Watch, who was getting sick in a nearby trashcan. He finished, swaggered as if drunk to ROB, who caught him.

"No more shotgun for me." Game & Watch vowed. They called it a day and went inside to gloat in Roy's face.

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After their fair share of bragging, the mechanics went to the lounge, where is was deserted, save for them. saved the entire run on tape, and they watched it. Or what they could. The car's movements were hard to track. "You know, we can still beef up the cr. You know, for the actual show." said at the end.

That was only 3 days away. "I'm in. Maybe I can update the Blue Falcon too. I'm ready to win in my own steed." Falcon agreed. "But we're keeping this tape…"

ROB whirred happily and evilly at the same time. "I can rig his computer so it replays for him over…and over…and over…and over again."

Falcon nodded. "That'll teach him to barbeque the garage."

**Okay, another chapter done. Only 2 more groups before the dreaded day arrives! Next up, two plumbers, an angel, a trainer, two ice explorers and three ladies face off in a cooking duel… full of lots of food, and maybe even a rubber ducky. Until then, my readers!**


	5. Ninja swords, Air ducts and toast

**Yes, I'm a slacker. Yes, it's been a MONTH since the last chapter. I broke my wrist while playing with my cousins, and badaboom, a cast--and no typing--for a month. That and the family's desktop had to be stripped down and came back only about a week ago. I'm gonna finish this story in the next week and a half, then start something new. **

**Some of the events in this chapter are based off real events. They involved a toaster and a very angry cat. The role of the cat will be played by Jigglypuff. Who, in case you haven't noticed, I like to torture. **

Mario was walking into the lounge where he liked to nap, but instead of peace and quiet, he saw Pit, Pokemon trainer(I will call him Red, as most people do),Pichu, and Nana fist fighting in the center. His brother Luigi stood in the corner bearing a black eye, and his forest-green shirt was ripped. He was holding what looked like a hammer. Mario noticed that Pichu had something that looked a lot like a ninja sword, and Mario hoped that it was just a toy.

"Did you want to cook for the talent show?" Luigi asked. Mario nodded. Seemed like an appealing idea to him. Who didn't like food? The four smashers that were fighting stopped abruptly and faced Mario.

"Is that a problem-a?" Mario asked nervously. He was tackled immediately by everyone in the room, and was suddenly in a fight for survival. He heard the smashers yelling things at each other.

"I wanna do it!"

"No, me!"

"You're too little!"

"You're not _human_!"

"Liar! I am too!"

"Ladies first, dummies!"

Mario picked himself out of the fight and yelled "WHAT is-a going ON?"

Luigi stopped his hammer, which was in mid-swing over Pit's head. "We all want to cook for the show. We can't all be on a team, because we'd kill each other. So some people have to drop out. Find something else to do." Which Mario knew would not be easy to do. The talent show was in three days(Yes, the timeline is being screwed with. Get over it.)

To make things more complicated, Peach, Zelda and Samus entered the room to find out what was causing the ruckus. Samus, wearing her suit, sounded dangerous. "Should I really ask?" The six fighters began yelling at each other again, when Zelda calmly summoned a magic fireball strong enough to obliterate everyone, and everybody shut up. Peach spoke up.

"Mario? What is this about?" She asked sweetly. Mario explained, and all three of the women nodded.

"Cooking wouldn't be bad." Zelda admitted. Samus snorted.

"You can't cook worth anything. I'll cook myself, so everybody can get something to eat without getting food poisoning." Samus said.

"It's not like _you_ can cook." Peach pointed out. "_I'm _the best one here."

Zelda look ready to pounce on Peach when she said quickly, "How about we split into teams; I'll work with Mario and Luigi, Zelda can be with Red and Pit, and Samus can be with Pichu and Nana."

Nobody had a better idea, so it was put into effect. Mario sighed in relief. Peach was the best, they'd win for sure. Everyone decided they could start in the morning.

The cooking war was in it's early stages.

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Peach could apparently be wrong about a lot of things. For one, she was _not_ the best cook.

The newest explosion was caused on the stove, the flames jumping up and catching poor Mario on the mustache. As he waved it out, Peach scolded Luigi "I told you! Sugar, water, nuts _then _the eggplant!"

Luigi looked embarrassed. "You said _eggplant_?" He pulled from the counter a Bomb-omb "I was using these."

"Great job, Luigi." Peach said "You ruined it! That was going to be one of the samples of our 5-star Eggplant cake!"

"…Uh, Peach? We never knew that there were bombs in a-here. You, as cooking expert, should've warned us. Besides that, I'm not sure anyone but the Ice climbers would like eggplant cake." Mario said, know disaster would strike.

Which it did. "It sure would've been good, Mario. I'm trying to teach you guys how to cook, and know everything's just blowing up! That's Roy's job!" Peach cried

"We could bomb everyone's taste buds. Then whatever we cook would taste fine, because they wouldn't have any taste at all-a." Luigi muttered. He then proceed to fill another pot with sugar, water, nuts, _eggplant_, milk, and at Mario's recommendation, super spicy curry sauce. Luigi stirred, and Peach expressed her concerns.

"Luigi, you're stirring too fast. And won't that sauce have a negative impact on the cake's structure…?"

Too late. Another explosion rocked the kitchen, splattering all three of the Mushroom Kingdom residents with super spicy eggplant cake batter. Peach heaved a sigh, and said only "You guys are _very_ lucky that I'm friends with you." Mario sighed too, thinking that the next poor sap who bothered Peach was in for it. He watched his step, when Roy stepped into the kitchen. He asked Peach for a pudding cup out of the fridge, but Peach got mad at him and whacked him _hard _with a nearby frying pan. Later that day, Roy blew up the girls bathroom for revenge. That and the fact that the swordsman had some fireworks left over.

Mario took off his hat, scratched his head, replaced the cap, and got back to work. Cursing Master and Crazy Hand the whole time.

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Red called his Squirtle off, while a drenched Zelda glared at him.

Zelda, Pit and Red had decided to make a Turducken, a big bird-thing that is basically a chicken stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a Turkey. They thought that making one or two would feed everyone at the show. They didn't realize that they take a lot of time and patience to make.

"How hard can it be? You put three birds into each other, slap it in the oven, boom, you're done." Zelda reasoned. But it had been four hours ago when that was said. Pit sat on the counter, trying to shove the chicken-stuffed duck into the already-gigantimundo turkey. Red called his Charizard out and the Dragon Pokemon was helping him adjust racks in the oven so the turkey could squeeze inside to cook. Zelda was working on side dishes for everything.

Pit momentarily dropped the birds and huffed a breath. "This makes no sense. We can't make this, I've never cooked _anything,_ for that matter. When will this stupid show be over?"

Zelda tore her attention from the vegetables she'd been chopping. "Look, Pit, I hate this as much as you do. And maybe we need to do a food a little less physical before someone gets hurt…"

As if on cue, the slippery raw turkey fell out of Pit's grip and hit Charizard, who spiraled around and flung a pillar of flame at Pit, which narrowly missed. Red was trying to control his friend, while Zelda tried to douse the fire that had just toasted everything she had prepared that day.

In a few moments, Charizard was calmed, and Red had called Squirtle to calm the fire that had been started with a jet of water. However, because of the smoke, Squirtle missed, and instead Princess Zelda was immersed in Squirtle's spray.

Pit's shoulder's sank. "We're not cut out for this! We were brought here to beat the living poo out of each other, then party when we win and go again! We don't cook!"

Red nodded. He agreed, completely. "I know from going on my own adventure that cooking is no fun, and really is nothing to be considered an art form."

Zelda seemed to consider this, then said, "I wonder how everyone else is doing…?"

Red was confused. "It matters because?…"

The Hylian princess smiled wickedly. "Well, you know, I can transform into different things with magic, and those air ducts look pretty big…"

"Wait. You want to _spy _on people! We're in a talent contest! Cooking! And yet you're going to crawl through the air-conditioning and look in on people! That's low. Really Low." Pit said.

"Yeah, we can do better than _that_." Red agreed.

"Come on, guys! We're brain-dead, having bad luck, and need a fast idea! Think of how nice that vacation will be! And how bad KP will be if we quit!" Zelda pleaded.

Red groaned. "Well, now that you mention it, I do _love _vacation…"

"And Peach could have some pretty good ideas…" Pit added

"So! Up we go!" Zelda announced. She did a little twisty-light trick and her Sheik form was revealed. Pit and Red gasped.

"Come on, Gents." She said. She pulled out the vent and jumped straight up into the air shaft. Pit flew up, giving Red a lift until they found a horizontal surface. "Let's go idea hunting!"

Red held his breath and pressed forward. What a stupid idea cooking was.

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Nana was having fun.

Cooking was really easy. Pizza was selected as the dish of choice, because everybody could have some, it was easy, and it was fast. Samus seemed to like Nana, and Pichu wasn't a bad little kid either. It was nice to be away from Popo for once. She loved her brother, but one thing on her own was new and good.

She wasn't that way for long. While she and Pichu were arranging veggies that Samus cut on the dough, Popo came into their kitchen for a sandwich. He stayed for a few minutes, talking to Samus. Nana took a break too, and said hi to Popo. He glanced toward the ceiling and never looked down.

"What's up, Popo? No pun intended." Pichu squeaked.

"Nana, there's something in the air ducts." Popo said with certainty.

Samus took a look, as did Nana. He was right. There were little bumps, moving along the ceiling, that seemed to stop where the vent was.

"Pichu, would you mind sending whoever's up there a little preset? An electric one?" Samus whispered. Nana told her brother to move along, but he didn't move. A quick thunderbolt up the vent, and a surprised--and burned-- Red, Pit and Sheik fell out. Sheik transformed into Zelda.

"SPIES! Cheaters!" Pichu cried. Popo ran into the fridge, and normally Nana would wonder why, but she instead focused her attention on the group in the center. Samus had Zelda by the front of her dress.

"What is this, Zelda? Quitting already?" Samus asked. In response, instead of saying something, Zelda scissor-kicked Samus and ran out, Pit and Red following. Pichu, Nana and Samus yelled and chased after the trio.

Sometime a few hours later, Popo got out of the freezer. The Ham slices, Jell-O cups, and sharp cheddar cheese slices were gone, and he didn't eat again for the next two days.

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Mario sat on his chair, a lemonade in his hand. They were done.

The threesome had actually cooked a large, delicious dinner for everyone in the mansion. Luigi had put some toast in the toaster for all of them, solely because he liked toast. Mario felt confident in his dishes and thought the three of them could win the show. Peach was talking about the Goomba workforce shortage back home, when he heard a stampede of people approaching. In the center of the kitchen, Zelda appeared, who was immediately body-tackled by Pichu and Nana, who were dragging poor Pit and Red by their shirt collars. Samus came up behind, and told Mario the situation. Cheaters.

Luigi, for fun, jumped on the pile, and Mario, Peach and Samus, craving action, did too. Unfortunately, Peach kicked the toaster, which was still_ really_ hot, off the counter. Really unfortunately, Jigglypuff was right in it's path of flight. Badly burned by the toaster, Jigglypuff became outraged and took it out on everybody there. She raged up and beat the heck out of everybody. Punching, kicking, biting, of all things, and everybody began to stop fighting each other, but they were too weak to retaliate Jigglypuff's attacks.

She sung them all into a peaceful sleep, then ate Luigi's toast.

**Poor Jigglypuff. And poor Luigi. Anyway, next chapter coming soon, provided I don't break anymore hands; Falco gets desperate, so he leads a bunch of the tough guys of the group, including some cameo appearances, in a remake of some of Broadway's favorites. Includes Bowser, Snake, Dedede, and Ganondorf in dresses, as well as Falco with a really big gun. Because Falco deserves one.**


	6. Sardines, Kingly Business, and Ice cream

**Yeah… I know… it's been three months… is anyone else having posting problems? The site was being mean… but my own irresponsibility is the main reason for the delay of updates. My sincere apologies. Feel free to throw imaginary tomatoes at me. And I did put at least one **_**Monty Python and the Holy Grail **_**reference in here. **

Falco was in a very bad mood. This stupid show was screwing up the whole mansion. The kitchens were out of order thanks to a hissy fight caused by Jigglypuff, of course, so they had to rely on McDonald's for food; The garage had been burnt to a crisp; and the damage his Arwing had sustained in said burning couldn't be fixed, because Captain Falcon used all the parts for his car, which had recently been nick-named the puke machine.

So the fuming bird sat in the yolk of his ship, in the mood for revenge. Revenge that would have to come in a destructive act for this stupid show. Contemplating the best way to accomplish this feat, he fiddled with the barely-operational controls of his ship.

"FALCO? You awake, buddy?" Falco quickly turned in his seat. Fox McCloud, his eyebrows raised, stood below the port wing. "Ah, I guess that's a yes." Fox peeked around the ship. "Seems someone's got a little maintenance problem?"

Falco sighed, "Don't you know it. I don't know who I'd rather make eat blaster bolts, Falcon or Roy. Of course, you don't have to deal with it. But Wolf and I, and anyone else who stores something in this part of the garage, has too." Fox's Arwing had been spared of the toasting, if only by a couple meters. "And I can't forget all my worries over some pizza or something, because Jigglypuff went along and destroyed the kitchen. If I have to eat one more Big Mac, I'm gonna go crackers. "

"Well, well. I'm sorry about all that, Falco. But I can't really do anything to fix your problems. Especially the one concerning Big Macs." Fox muttered. "Do you remember the last time I tried to help you with a food-related problem?"

Well, of course I do, thought Falco. Slippy got an all-expense-paid trip to the bottom of a dumpster, and he made friends with all of the sardines that I had the pleasure of throwing away. Enough to feed everyone in this mansion for two weeks.

Falco jumped out of his cockpit, performed a front-flip in the air, and landed right in front of Fox. "Actually, Foxy, there _is_ something you can do for me. It's time that I planned an act for the show, and I thought that you and I could pair up and show these suckers how to obliterate stuff the _right_ way."

"Uh, Falco, that sounds, uh, great." Fox said, suddenly finding great interest in the bent nose of the bird's fighter. "But, I… you know…"

Falco closed his eyes. "You already have a group, don't you?"

Fox nodded. "Sorry, man. But, you know, Ness said that they needed help, really bad. They're doing some construction thing… I thought you were with the fire-obsessed swordsmen… maybe you could help us?"

"And who might 'us' be?" Falco asked. He was personally afraid of the answer, but construction sounded up his alley. For the moment, anyway.

"Hmmm… myself, Ness, Lucas, Pikachu, Yoshi, Kirby, Young Link… oh yeah, and Popo," Fox responded, his optimism falling as he said the last name. Popo and Falco were _not_ friends.

"That whiny little kid? Fox, I feel really sorry for you." Falco growled. "And if you want to work with that little snot, be my guest. I'm not."

"Come on, Falco, Popo's not really that bad. He does tend to get in the way, but…" Fox tried to reason. He sighed. Falco threw him a 'you've -got-to-be-kidding-me' look. "…But I guess you're right. Well, if you don't want to work with us, I know that Meta Knight is still looking for a group. Why not join with him?"

Falco nodded, then left to the tower where Meta Knight stayed. He's a cool guy, Falco convinced himself. Just cause he creeps you out doesn't mean he's a bad person.

Better than Popo.

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Meta Knight was shining his faceplate when he heard a knock on the door. "Who goes there?" He asked the person behind the door.

"It's Falco. Fox said you needed someone to group with for the show." The voice called. Meta Knight opened the door and showed the pilot inside.

"Yeah, I do. Why aren't you with Fox?" Meta Knight asked.

"Some of his group members aren't what you'd call agreeable."

"Ah. Any ideas?"

"I was planning to do something that involved harming Roy and/or Falcon. Or at least messing up their day." Falco said, cheerfully.

What more could I expect? We are all here to be violent to each other, Meta Knight thought. He shook his head. "No, we're not allowed to involve fighting, remember? Besides, the way to win these shows is to do something outside your element. Everyone expected the fireworks display, as they also expected the car that Falcon and his crew built. The cooking could've been predicted, but not likely. That song that the Pikmin creature sings with Olimar… that'll fly over well, nobody expected that. And I'm not sure what Fox is planning to do, but I doubt it follows the norm, knowing him."

Falco nodded, showing that he understood. "Okay, I get it. Hey, do you think that Bowser and his group of people have an act yet?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Let's go find 'em. I've got an idea that's _very_ 'out of our element'."

Meta Knight followed Falco downstairs, not daring to ask what this idea was.

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Nearly an hour later, Falco stood in front of nearly a third of the smashers in the mansions. He'd found them all and brought them here so he could present his idea.

No better time than now, he decided mentally. "Nobody here has an act for the talent show, do they?" He asked. He was answered with a multitude of shaking heads. "Well, then. I was talking to my buddy Meta Knight here, who claims that the acts that have the best chances of winning are the ones that nobody expects. So, I figure we do something rather _different_: we put on a little musical for everyone." He presented.

From the second the word _musical_ left his beak, commotion rose. The occupants of the room began yelling at each other, and worse, at Falco. The bird glanced at Meta Knight, who was staring at the ground, shaking his head.

"HEY! FOLKS!" Falco yelled. "I know that it seems like a stupid idea. But_ that's the point_. We have enough people, don't we? We don't even have to write it, we could just steal one. Well, borrow. Whatever." Falco could tell he was losing his group's attention. "Look, if we pull this off, we'll kick everyone else's arse. Wouldn't you guys like to gloat in the other's faces that _we_ get to spend three weeks on vacation? My traitor-friend Foxy, and the singing onion, and Mr. Speedy-guy, and the cooking pansies? And Pyro-wonder?" That brought everyone back. Falco smiled. He'd done his job. "Well, who's with me? And Meta Knight?" Several of the rooms occupants cheered. Meta Knight held out a piece of paper and a pen. "Anyone who wants to help win this show, put your name on this paper. Questions?"

"Can we put something_ normal_ in this? Like a big, fat, rocket launcher?" Snake asked. He'd hung toward the back of the crowd through the speech.

Falco grinned. "You read my mind."

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Falco looked over the list of names one last time as he made his way down to the theater later that day. The group needed lots of practice time. Meta Knight walked beside him.

"Me, You, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Snake, Ganondorf, King Dedede, Wolf, Lucario, Mewtwo, Wario. That's quite a list." He murmured.

"Falco, as your partner, I'm willing to go through with this, but I have firm reason to believe that we are in a little bit over our heads." Meat Knight said

"That's because you're a walking head, dummy." A voice said, behind them. Dedede plodded along next to the warrior, looking smug.

"Don't be talking. You weigh as much as you do because you ate too many Twinkies back home. At least my physical handicap isn't _my_ fault." Meta Knight muttered

"Who said my fluffiness was a _handicap_? I'll make a wonderful baritone for our little musical production." The Penguin turned to Falco "Right, boss?"

Falco _liked_ being called boss; Fox was _always _boss, and now it was his turn. "Uh, right. I figured that the higher voice you have, the better, actually. Have you ever noticed that all the songs they sing in a musical have a bunch of high-singing girls?"

"They're called Sopranos. And I actually came here to suggest something. Jigglypuff needs a spot in the show, she came crying to me just now. She can teach us how to sing, and you'll have a high part."

Meta Knight was against the idea, however. "Do you guys remember what happens when she sings?"

"Yeah, the audience goes wild, and we've got ourselves tickets to Isle Delfino. I'm in, Dedede. I thought she was in an act, though."

"You mean the cooking thing? No, she just ticked a bunch of people off, she didn't partake in the actual talent. " By this point the trio had reached the theater. "I'll go find her, while you get the rest of the group ready." He started off, but Meta Knight tugged on his arm. "How do you know so much about singing?"

"Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know." The King of Dreamland set off.

"Next he'll be going off about swallows…" Meat Knight mused as Falco called everyone together.

"Right, guys, listen up. I know we don't sing here, so we need a little practice. King Dedede is getting Jigglypuff right now. She's gonna show us what to do."

"A girl?" Donkey Kong complained

"That's the _least _of your problems." Mewtwo noted, then addressed the ring leaders. "Falco, Meta Knight, Jigglypuff's singing has special powers, just as Lucario and I have special powers. I'm sure you remember that from brawls you've previously fought… feeling lethargic after she begins to sing…"

Falco remembered now. "Okay, maybe not the best idea, true. Hmm, she needs a part, though. Maybe she can be stage crew or something."

"Hey, she can sing well! I say she teaches us!" Bowser roared. "Think of the vacation, guys!"

The yelling started again. Falco knew he might've lost the battle. "Is there anyone else that thinks Jigglypuff would be a good teacher?" Several hands went up. Bowser, Diddy and Donkey Kong, Snake, Ganondorf and Wario. "Fine. Here's what we'll do. Those who want to die by Jigglypuff, be my guest. You lot will be the ones singing for the show, while the rest of us will work on stage stuff. And possibly explosions, if I'm lucky. Anyone helping me, meet me outside, singers stay in here. We'll meet again after dinner."

'What song?" Wario asked

Meta Knight spoke up, ready to leave the room. "Think of something. Anything. From a musical, preferably."

"How about the really long word, from that play about the nanny? The one that starts with super, or something. Everybody like saying big words. It'll make us seem smart." Diddy Kong suggested.

Meta Knight nodded. "Fine. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious will work. Get to it." The group heard a door slam. Dedede stood very proudly behind Jigglypuff, who was wearing sunglasses and a filmy purple scarf.

"You know what you want to do. After dinner, guys, okay? We'll be outside." Falco said, turning his tail to the stage, listening to Jigglypuff, who began to give instructions to his crew. He began to get angry. What was he supposed to do now? He left the room, followed by Wolf, Meta Knight, Lucario and Mewtwo, worried about the well-being of those that stayed inside.

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Meta Knight grabbed some food off the food cart, brought in by McDonalds, and sat down at one of the many circular tables. The Hall seemed quieter tonight than it usually did. He noticed Fox and Falco out of the corner of his eye, coming towards the table.

"Mind if we sit with you?" Fox asked

"Not at all," Meta Knight gestured towards some chairs. Though Falco had a large helping of food, Fox didn't carry any. "Eating tonight?"

"Nope, my group and I are working on our act after dinner. I learned today not to eat beforehand." He explained, smiling. "So, did you guys get a group together?"

Meta Knight nodded. "Yes, quite a large one."

"Although, half of that group doesn't seem to be here." Falco added, looking around. He picked at his food, then stopped. "Meta Knight? You don't think they're still in the theater, do you?"

Meta Knight paused as well. "I never thought of that. What could they be in there? Jigglypuff surely didn't…" But then he realized what he was saying. He and Falco jumped from the table at the same time.

"Crud. We left 7 of the toughest fighters in the mansion alone with Jigglypuff. I hope they made it out alive" Falco said as they began to run (or glide, in Meta Knight's case) down the hallways to the room.

Fox, who had followed them, looked confused. Because he was. "I have a feeling I shouldn't ask, but I'm going to. What are you guys _doing_?"

"Singing Disney songs, and painting trees and the sky." Meta Knight responded, referring to the backdrop work the other half of the group had done. Fox stopped abruptly and let his comrades run on. Nothing he needed to stick his muzzle into, surely.

Meta Knight and Falco burst through the door of the theater, and Meta Knight immediately slammed into Jigglypuff, halting her singing. She looked at the masked fighter, infuriated. Falco glanced around the room. The seven men they'd left behind were slumped around the room in different positions. Over chairs, across the floor, everywhere. Falco did notice that Wario and Snake had been propped up in chairs, and there was magic marker all over their faces.

"What have you done? Wake them up!" Meta Knight cried "We need them alert and _conscious_ for the show!"

Jigglypuff frowned. "Oops. I guess I lost track of time." She said innocently. "How long has it been?"

Falco growled "Nearly six hours."

Jigglypuff looked alarmed. "Uh-oh. Uh, guys, sorry to tell you this, but they won't be awake for another day and a half."

"DAY AND A HALF?" Falco yelled, "The shows in TWO DAYS, idiot? What did you do, poison them? What are we supposed to do now?"

Mewtwo burst into the room. "What's going on? Why are you yelling?"

"We have a crew that's dead asleep for the next day or so, and we need to get the show ready." Meta Knight filled him in.

"Well, this isn't good. Perhaps we can use a medication of some sort to wake them up…" Mewtwo wondered aloud.

Jigglypuff shook her head, which ended up being her whole body. "If we do that, some side-effects that they might have could be _very _bad."

Falco sighed. "We're stuck with a bunch of _bodies_, and we need to do a musical in two days. Ideas?"

Meta Knight suggested "The ones that are asleep could be used as doorstops or props of some sort…"

Falco suddenly had _another_ "great" idea. "Get Wolf and Lucario in here, and find ROB. Tell him to get a video camera. I've got a plan."

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When Meta Knight returned with the people Falco had requested, he found his feathered friend up on the catwalk above with Mewtwo, chattering about something. Falco spotted the rest of the group and jumped down, followed by Mewtwo.

"Here's the plan. Jigglypuff found a bunch of transparent string backstage. We're gonna tie the string to the sleeping people's limbs, Mewtwo and Lucario will be up on those catwalks controlling them. Mewtwo agreed to taking most of them, 'cause he can do psychic stuff…" Falco explained

"You're gonna turn some of the biggest people we know into _puppets_." Lucario clarified. "And Mewtwo and I are gonna be the puppet masters?" Falco nodded, and Wolf raised an eyebrow.

"Are we still gonna sing? With just us? Are you _nuts_?" He asked

Falco continued, "Yeah. We all know the words, right? Jigglypuff will be singing the girl's part, but I figure that the song is short enough that we can get away with it without collapsing. One of us is just gonna have to man up and take the male lead part. Volunteers?"

Wolf, Meta Knight and Falco stared at each other. "Okay, maybe not. We can always do it the old-fashioned way." Wolf said. Which, if they were going by Wolf's "old-fashioned way", would involve knife throwing. And possibly fire.

Meta Knight sighed. "Look, I'll… I'll do it. But we better win."

Falco slapped him on the back. Or head, or whatever it is. "Thanks a lot, buddy. Really appreciate it. At the end, to satisfy our manly callings, we have arranged to get a very large rocket launcher, which I will shoot at this cardboard cut-out. Then you guys can have a shot as well."

The cardboard cut-out was brought out by Jigglypuff. It had vaguely familiar pictures on it…

"Falco? Is that _Popo_? And _Roy_?" Lucario asked carefully

"… You can see it anyway you want…" Falco muttered. "Oh yeah, one more thing. There are enough suits for all of us to wear, minus Mewtwo and Lucario. Except the sleeping people. We have really big dresses for them. It makes no sense, that there are more dresses than suits in a mansion prominently inhabited by _guys_, but not my problem. ROB, can you videotape for us?" The robot held the camera up, which was interpreted as "yes".

The group grudgingly began to get everything together. "Why are we taping it?" Lucario asked

"So we don't have to perform this live. We will, as Meta Knight suggested, use the sleeping people for something." Falco said, quite proud of himself.

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Meta Knight put the last sparkly, high-heeled shoe on Snake's foot just as Falco finished tying string to his left hand. Somehow, in about three hours, the group had gotten seven unconscious bodies into dresses, tied them up, worked them into controllable puppets, dressed themselves, and obtained a very large gun.

Meta Knight _really_ hated his life at this moment.

Falco stood center stage, helping ROB with technical details, something that they had both always been good at. Jigglypuff was practicing her part, and the only defense Meta Knight had was to suck it up and repeat the phrase _Don't fall asleep_ in his brain over and over again.

"Okay, let's light this candle." Falco muttered. It was nearly midnight, and he was ready to be done. "Ready, everybody?" He called. They all responded affirmatively, though Meta Knight noticed that Jigglypuff said it with much more enthusiasm.

ROB counted off. Jigglypuff began dancing around singing nonsense words. In no time, it was Meta Knight's time to sing. He opened his mouth and began to tell the story of this little kid and how he learned the most pointless word in the universe, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

This isn't bad, he decided when the verse was over. He joined in singing the chorus. He looked above and saw Mewtwo and Lucario masterfully controlling the puppet-people. Visions of quiet time on the beach, and of lots of exotic food filled his head.

However, the group had a major flaw; Wolf. Though Meta Knight knew what to do because he'd seen the choreography for this song on television, and somehow Jigglypuff and Falco got along, it was clear that Wolf barely knew the song , let alone how to dance. He tripped over Falco, who then hit the ground, _hard_. Momentarily forgetting what he was doing, Falco tackled Wolf. The fighting pilots got in Jigglypuff's way as well, and somehow the group began rolling in Meta Knight's direction. Out of confusion, Meta Knight tripped over his own feet and fell off the stage, right on top of ROB, who'd been stationed right in front of the stage. ROB, out of instinct, punched Meta Knight, who laid very confused and distraught on the floor. Mewtwo and Lucario placed the puppet-people gently on the floor before rushing to the Smashers aid. They pried Wolf and Falco apart, who'd nearly ripped each other to shreds. They all stared at each other, no sure what to do. Falco got up, got his insanely large gun, and shot his target. He gave his friends a shot, and ROB picked up the camera to turn it off.

At this same moment, the gun miss-fired in the direction of the catwalk. Causing it to burst into flame. There also happened to be a box of bomb-ombs nearby, which blew up. At the noise, the fighters-turned -puppets woke up, and generally flipped out. ROB finally got the camera to switch off.

Falco calmed the group down, and explained the painfully embarrassing situation to those members of the group who'd just woken up. After much grumbling, the group shed their clothing, and string. ROB presented the tape to Falco.

"Well, we may as well turn that in. With a little explaining, we might actually do well." Diddy Kong mused

"Besides, I'm never doing that again." Ganondorf complained

"Where is the little puffball that put us all to sleep? I want to teach _not _to do that _ever again_." Donkey Kong added. Jigglypuff was nowhere to be found.

Falco, exhausted, but happy with their little song-thing, said, "We'll just turn this in. We _did_ sing, after all." The group cheered.

Bowser looked around. "Who wants ice cream? I'm buying."

They cheered again. Several hours later, in the morning, Donkey Kong and Wario found Jigglypuff entangled in a curtain, muttering to herself. They let her be, ready to enjoy one more free day.

**Well, that was a long one. I tried to make Falco and Meta Knight the stars of this, because I am a fan of the two, and everyone seems to like Meta Knight. So, I hope I brought him justice. One more chapter, then the show! Finally! Coming soon: Big, fighting robots come to life at the hands of a bunch of little kids, with Fox's help. Also, when I submit the next chapter, there will be a poll on who YOU want to win the show: It will help me decide the winner. Until then, signing off.**


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